Recently, a friend organized a plan to visit someplace. He asked his acquaintances to list down the weekends they are free, so that a common date can be decided based on everyone's convenience. Everyone listed down their free dates, including me. And then a harsh truth dawned upon me, which I have been trying to conceal from myself for years: I am not living but just existing.
The comparison between everyone's free date was glaring. Everyone had their own schedule about busy and free days. Most were not available on at least someday, and had something to do. In contrast, as I have told people many times, "I was always free". I had no plans, no upcoming schedule for the weekends, no interesting activity to do, no direction. I was a deadwood, floating on the currents carrying wherever they wish to. All I had was only disorder in my personal life. I am describing this only for the weekend schedule, and not for the weekdays, but this would be just a lame excuse to myself.
The thought has been lurking in my mind for months and days, but I have somehow kept suppressing it. But today I pictured myself about a guy waking up on weekend, with absolutely no idea of what to do with his life. If at all, I would lazily do the unfinished work which should have been done on weekdays, during the office hours. Doing the same work on weekend blinds me on two counts: a) I am working so much b) I am finishing my work in time. But my mental picture about myself waking up on weekend with absolutely no idea and direction about a quality work to do is frightening.
We have two choices in life: either accept what is given to you, and follow that with satisfaction and peace. Otherwise, find and pave your own way, explore and find what you want to do, and do that properly. You can maybe, maybe not, afford to be directionless in the first case. But you absolutely cannot afford it in the second case, no matter even if you employ your own stupidity as an excuse for this.
Until I can alter the reality about myself, about a guy who wakes up on weekend without any clue about non professional schedules, its a time and life wasted.
The comparison between everyone's free date was glaring. Everyone had their own schedule about busy and free days. Most were not available on at least someday, and had something to do. In contrast, as I have told people many times, "I was always free". I had no plans, no upcoming schedule for the weekends, no interesting activity to do, no direction. I was a deadwood, floating on the currents carrying wherever they wish to. All I had was only disorder in my personal life. I am describing this only for the weekend schedule, and not for the weekdays, but this would be just a lame excuse to myself.
The thought has been lurking in my mind for months and days, but I have somehow kept suppressing it. But today I pictured myself about a guy waking up on weekend, with absolutely no idea of what to do with his life. If at all, I would lazily do the unfinished work which should have been done on weekdays, during the office hours. Doing the same work on weekend blinds me on two counts: a) I am working so much b) I am finishing my work in time. But my mental picture about myself waking up on weekend with absolutely no idea and direction about a quality work to do is frightening.
We have two choices in life: either accept what is given to you, and follow that with satisfaction and peace. Otherwise, find and pave your own way, explore and find what you want to do, and do that properly. You can maybe, maybe not, afford to be directionless in the first case. But you absolutely cannot afford it in the second case, no matter even if you employ your own stupidity as an excuse for this.
Until I can alter the reality about myself, about a guy who wakes up on weekend without any clue about non professional schedules, its a time and life wasted.
No comments:
Post a Comment